Into the Abyss
by SabrinaYutsuki
Summary: THIS ISN'T ANGSTY UNTIL THE END :) Hitomi comes back home to Earth a little too late. The present reality of her home shocks and causes her to escape from reality, finding something not so good to preoccupy her. Can anyone help her from her depression?
1. Default Chapter

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Title: Into the Abyss  
Summary: Hitomi comes back home to Earth a little too late. The present reality of her home shocks her and causes her to escape from reality, finding something not so good to preoccupy her. Will anyone be able to help her from her depression?  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne. So no suing please! No infringement intended! Just borrowing the lovely characters of Escaflowne. This story, however, is mine. Oh and the short sayings. :) Bwaha. As for the songs, they are owned by their respective singers.  
Etcetera: hey there, hope you like the fic! Any idea who's gonna get her out of this mess? hmmm.... :) Anyway, this is angsty but i promise it's gonna have a good ending! Please review! ESCAFLOWNE rules!!!! OUR LADY PEACE rules too! (That's my favorite band!) ^_^ emails welcome at sab_shob@yahoo.com. Please I don't really like very violent flames. o_0 Visit my site at animeholics.envy.nu  
Important Note: THINGS INSIDE [ ] are THOUGHTS.  
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PROLOGUE: The rain will take everything away...   
My happiness, my love, my dreams...  
All draining into the sewer of my despair.  
- by SabrinaYutsuki (the author of this fic)  
  
Hitomi's POV:  
  
Home... I had wanted to go home for such a long time. That longing I had in me turned my stomach inside out. Just taking in a familiar scent of Earth sent chills up my spine. Chills of homesickness...   
Now I'm home. Now I can see my family again. My friends. My school.   
And yet... Somehow, I'm not that happy. The desire... the homesick feeling... betrayed me. Now, like a fickle lady, they were replaced by thoughts of regret... Regret for leaving Van, the only man that has made me feel so much love... and warmth. I stared at the beam of light that brought me home, oblivious to the fact that it had disappeard hours ago. Somehow, in the distance, I took in the smell of the field. The smell of Van. Yet, there was no greenery anywhere. It was all concrete... It was the city after all. My imagination was torturing me. It wasn't fair... It wasn't fair. And like the wave of sad emotions, the rain poured down.  
Damn this rain. This rain is anguish for me.  
  
Narrator's POV:  
  
Hitomi ran, her uniform soaked by the sudden heavy rain. Her thoughts raced in her mind. [I'm going home. I'm going to see my father and my mother... and even my pest of a brother. That's something to look forward to. I've missed them a lot. And now I'm actually going to see them... Gaea can wait. It's not as though I can't come back... Gaea can wait]. Now, she was feeling more sure of herself, her cheerful personality coming back to her.  
Soon enough, she was at the front of her door. Anxiety filled her being. It was a long time she was away. Did they look any different? Her mother would probably have tears of joy brimming in her eyes. Her brother would have a sarcastic remark up his sleeve and her dad would give her a big pat on the back.  
Her finger shivered a little as she reached for the doorbell. She was cold... and in some way, scared. She felt like a lost puppy hoping to be taken home again. The door opened, she smiled, but the grin was immediately washed by the reality that her eyes were giving her. "M... mom? Is that... y-you?"  
  
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Mrs. Kanzaki was in the worst state Hitomi could ever imagine. Her emerald eyes were dead. One hand held a lit cigarette, the other held a bottle of gin. Her hair was in a mess. Her mother stared at her, as though she didn't recognize her. She stood silent.  
Again, Hitomi spoke, uncertainty clearly blended into her tone. "M-mom. It's me. Hitomi."  
"Hitomi? Hitomi Kanzaki?", she spoke with such formality.  
"Y..yah, mom. I'm back."  
"Where were you all this time? Do you realize how much trouble you've caused?", her mother's eyebrows were arched up. There was no warmth in her speech. Hitomi shivered, feeling colder than before.  
"I'm sorry. I..."  
"A sorry's not good enough."   
"M..mom? Can I... come in? Let's talk."  
Her mother nodded, opened the door further, and revealed the interior of the home.  
It was not good. Empty bottles were scattered over the floor. The television was on, but it was very blurry. Boxes of half-eaten pizza were on the tables. And the kitchen floor was muddy. It was never dirty before. Her mother was always very neat. She kept the house very clean. But then, things have changed. Hitomi felt her second blast of shock when she saw her father sprawled on the floor, bottles all around him.  
"Dad! Dad!", Hitomi reached him and started waking him up, panic rising. He opened his eyes, let out a big disgusting burp, and bitterly laughed, the intense smell of alcohol in his breath. "Ha ha! You can't fool me! You're not my little girl... You're just one of those goddamn dreams I've been having and..."  
At this point, it was all clear to Hitomi. She had been the cause of all this. She was gone too long. He missed his 'little girl' -- her little Hitomi. Guilt was clearly etched in her face, now wet with streaming tears. [God, I am probably the most selfish girl. A minute ago, I didn't really want to go home. How could I have not thought of what it was doing to my family?] "This wreck... this mess, it's all my fault. It's... oh, God I'm sorry.... I... I." Suddenly, her father was shivering... uncontrollably. "Mom! Mom! Something's happening to Dad... Help!" Her mother walked slowly to the lying body, a hint of nonchalance in her movements. "It's probably your dad wanting to barf again. He really can't take in his alcohol and..."  
Mrs. Kanzaki held his neck. No pulse. He was cold. Now, she was worried. Now, a hint of sanity and awareness played in her eyes. "Oh no... no. No... NO!!!" Hitomi didn't like the sounds of that. She held him, felt a pulse in his wrist. Nothing. She applied CPR. She held her two palms on his chest and started to apply pressure with the rhythm and beat of her heart. Nothing. [No. No. This has to work. This has to...]  
"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!! WHY?! WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO YOU TO MAKE YOU WANT TO TORMENT HIM?! WHY COME BACK NOW? WHY?!" Her mother was clearly hysterical. Hitomi couldn't blame her. "Mom, I'm sorry." "STOP APOLOGIZING! IT'S NOT MAKING ANYTHING BETTER! WHERE WERE YOU ALL THIS TIME? WHERE?" "Mo-mom, I could exp-plain.", Hitomi was clearly in tears, sobbing uncontrollably. "DON'T BE SO PATHETIC. NOW YOU'RE CRYING? NOW YOU'RE CONCERNED? YOU... BITCH!" At this point, her mother's palm connected at her cheek, immediately causing it to go red. Hitomi felt the hit with her palm. It was painful... physically, but more so emotionally. It assured her that this was all real. That it wasn't some nightmare. That she wasn't going to wake up to the beautiful sound of the birds and see the bright sun shining over her sandy brown hair.  
Her mother was still in a rage. She wiped the tears threatening to spill, pointed to the direction of the door, and cried, "GET OUT HERE. YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE ANYMORE." Hitomi didn't speak back. She deserved the treatment. She was a murderer. She killed her father. Maybe not literally, but she knew she was to blame. She muttered a small "sorry" and left, letting the rain soak her again. [Where should I come home to now? Do I even deserve to live?] Hitomi walked a little and bowed her head down carrying with her a feeling of dejection. The sound of water falling on concrete was all she could hear... and the tear drops that followed suite. [The rain washes everything away. How cruel.]  
  
"Are You Sad?"  
by: Our Lady Peace (a/n: woohoo!!!!! Yipee!! Buy their album, it's so cool! I love them so much!!!!)  
album: Spiritual Machine (a/n: visit their site at www.ourladypeace.com)  
  
Your life has been so hard  
It's dried up angels  
Who can't keep guard  
And I'm trying to reach your hand  
But I'm on fire I never meant to change.  
Wasted.  
  
So could you stop pretending  
When they say you're nothing.  
Are you sad?   
Are you holding yourself?  
Are you locked in your room?  
You shouldn't be...  
  
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a/n: well what do you think? i know it's short but that's only because it's the prologue. I'll make it longer in the next chapters. Anyway, don't hate the mother okay? Later on, you'll know why she's acting so... mean. :) bye hope ya like it. R&R! :)  
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	2. Shadows

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Title: Into the Abyss  
Summary: Hitomi comes back home to Earth a little too late. The present reality of her home shocks her and causes her to escape from reality, finding something not so good to preoccupy her. Will anyone be able to help her from her depression? Moreover, is the reality that she sees actually REAL?  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne. So no suing please! No infringement intended! Just borrowing the lovely characters of Escaflowne. This story, however, is mine. Oh and the short sayings. :) Bwaha. As for the songs, they are owned by their respective singers.  
Etcetera: haha, i finally updated! well i hope you like the fic! Any idea who's gonna get her out of this mess? hmmm.... :) Well, actually I don't really know yet, too. :op Give me some suggestions if you want. :) Anyway, this is angsty but i promise it's gonna have a good ending! Please review! ESCAFLOWNE rules!!!! ^_^ emails welcome at sab_shob@yahoo.com. Please I don't really like very violent flames. o_0  
Important Note: THINGS INSIDE [ ] are THOUGHTS.  
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CHAPTER 1:   
I try to run away,   
But my problems still hover behind  
Like my shadow...  
- by SabrinaYutsuki (the author of this fic)  
  
Hitomi's POV:  
  
Home... what is home...? They say it's where the heart is...   
My home... It was where my father, mother, and brother was...   
Father. God... I'm so sorry...  
  
Home is where the heart is. It's true. All the love, the joy I've ever felt -- was at home. In fact, my heart is still there... still in my home. I just wish that I would also be there with my heart. Instead, I'm here. In the cold, desolate world. Not a jacket to keep me warm. Not an aota of happiness to keep me safe. The feeling of the rain dropping hard on my skin is the only thing that keeps me company. Where am I to go now? What's anywhere without a home?   
Yukari. My best friend. She's been there for me ever since. Maybe... she'll help me just one more time.   
  
  
Narrator's POV:  
  
The emerald-eyed girl walked along, now with a destination in mind. She was tired. She felt like she was trudging along quick sand instead of a cemented sidewalk. Her senses were clouded by demons of guilt and despair. All she could hear now was the deafening silence. Even the sounds of the zooming cars and the consequent splashing of the water were blocked from her hearing.  
As she continued on her lethargic walk, she let her mind wander around to something that could at least provide her some hope. [I'd be welcome there anytime. But going back there would be nothing short of impossible and...] Hitomi felt a wave of shame. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she massaged her temples with her shivering hands. [God! How could I be such a coward to think of running away at a time like this? I need to settle things with my mother and I have to see if my brother's okay.]   
"Mother..." Hitomi said with grief.  
She soon found herself looking at Yukari's residence. There was a sign with Yukari's last name engraved in it. She gazed at the cozy house and rang the doorbell, her sight locked on nothing particular. Soon, a woman opened the door just enough to peek into the visitor. The creases on her face showed that she was of age. "Ah, Hitomi-chan! Long time no see! We've missed having you for dinner. Have you and Yukari-chan been corresponding through mail? Oh and look at your clothes. They're drenched. Come in for a second before you catch the cold of death!"  
"Um.. thank you but I'm okay... Um, what do you mean mail...?", Hitomi's eyes widened in sudden scrutiny. "You mean Yukari's not here?"  
"Oh, you didn't know? She went to Europe to study. Amano's family has been kind enough to find her a place to stay. They assure me that she's fine. Didn't Yukari-chan tell you?"  
"No. I... I've been away... I've...", Hitomi faltered. She was at a loss for words.  
"Oh...", Yukari's mother slightly frowned. "No wonder my little child was a little apprehensive of leaving."  
"Well then...! I'll just give you her address, okay?", Yukari's mother brightened up a little, not wanting to add any more grief to the person in front of her. She knew that Yukari's best friend was in a slump. But because of what, she had no idea. Somehow, she felt that it wasn't the time to pry.  
"Hitomi-chan, why don't you stay for dinner?"  
"Oh, wow I'd love to but I wouldn't want to bother you..."  
"Oh no bother! I'll just give Mrs. Kanzaki a ring and tell her that you'll be eating here!", Yukari's mother said matter-of-factly. It was obvious that Hitomi was a regular visitor at her house.  
"Oh no! No no no, don't call... I mean I... I think I better go now..", Hitomi said nervously.  
Hitomi ran like she was participating in a track meet, leaving a very confused woman behind.  
"Hitomi... you forgot the address...", the older woman said softly, still at a shock at the girl's queer behavior.  
  
[Yukari's gone... She went with Amano-senpai...]  
[She loves Amano, I know that, and I don't want to deny her her happiness...]  
[But why couldn't she wait?]  
[Selfish... That's what I am. I want everything to turn out for my convenience. God, why am I like this?!]  
  
Hitomi still continued to run. Running from what, she didn't know. She felt like she was running away from everything, from her pain... her fears... her life. But like an ominous shadow, they just followed her wherever she went. Soon, her legs started to feel wobbly and her fatigue had directed her to rest. She went to a nearby tree, brushed her hair with her still trembling hands and leaned on the oak tree. The tree's bark was rough enough to cause discomfort to any person, but Hitomi didn't seem to mind, even if her whole weight was pushed onto it.   
Hitomi looked up at the sky. The rain didn't seem to let up. It seemed to find solace in the pain it brought with it. As if to add to the tense atmosphere, the sky grew darker. What time was it? Hitomi couldn't tell. She didn't have to. She knew it was going to be night forever in her life. And then, as her sporadic breathing started to relax, she felt what she thought was the worst sensation in the world... loneliness. And she realized that was what she was running away from previously.  
  
*******  
  
Somehow, when the sky is dark, and the wind is howling bitterly, and the cold is stinging in your skin, emotions... especially the bleak ones... are felt at a higher amplitude. And at this point in time, Hitomi felt that she was at that certain situation. She felt her mind falling into a dark abyss, deeper... and deeper in extreme speed. Thoughts and images flashed before her, of the dead corpse of her father, of Yukari's smile fading into the horizon as she waves goodbye, and the most painful image of all: of a mother's hate toward an offspring.   
At that moment, when she saw her mother's lifeless eyes once again, her mind finally reached the very bottom, where demons roam and hunger for flesh... for innocence.. for weak and tired souls like Hitomi's. A deathly voice whispered at the back of her head, coaxing her to the seemingly inevitable... [You can end all this easily, you know...] A smirk made its way across Hitomi's face, as it grew larger and progressed into a cackle. "Now why didn't I think of that...!"  
She dug through her pocket and saw what she needed to be free... a swiss army knife. And it was the larger version, the one with the sharper blade. [Perfect...]  
  
I won't let it show  
Sacrifice the tortures  
Orchestral tear cash-flow  
Increase delete escape defeat  
It's all that matters to you  
Cotton case for an iron pill  
  
Distorted eyes when everything is clearly dying  
Burn my knees and...  
Burn my knees and pray  
  
~ 'Emotion Sickness' by Silverchair  
  
The aftermath of a forest burning. That was what Hitomi's eyes were like at the moment. It wasn't even flaming with passionate anger or with self-hate. What she mirrored now was the forest after the red orange had engulfed it. Dim. Devoid of beauty. Any trace of life gone.  
She gently felt the edge of blade, as if she was meditating and serenity was embracing her. [Mamoru... You said I'd be needing this to protect me. At least you were right about me needing it.] The irony of it all caused her to chuckle once more. It dripped with such bitterness that it could scare even the maniacal silver-haired Dilandau.  
[It's time...]  
The cold metal was touching her skin ever so closely.  
[In a few minutes, I'll be free.]  
She felt a strange sense of peace but it was only temporary. Suddenly, her heart was beating fast again. She jolted, like a candle flame that was disturbed by the wind.  
[I never knew you were such a coward, Hitomi. Is this really the girl who saved a world? This wreck?]  
[Who... Who are you?]  
[I'm your worst enemy. I'm... _you_.]  
[Wh..What?]  
[Enough of the 20 questions already. This isn't Larry King Live, you know. Just look at you! You're a mess! And you think killing yourself would help in any way? When you leave this earth, all the demons of your past are still going to haunt you. Don't think they'll just disappear.]  
[But... I...]  
[What a weakling. You make me sick. Selfish piece of s*it! And what about Mamoru, huh? What is he going to do if he loses all the family he's got? And your mother?]  
[Stop it!], Hitomi hissed in her mind.  
[Weakling...]  
[No!]  
[Coward...]  
[I'm going to end this all now.]   
  
It was strange how one instant could change the future.  
With one slash, the optimistic girl who had inspired so many lives, was on her way to the end of the tunnel. Was it fate? Was it really her time? She knew it wasn't. She just felt scared so she decided to do what was best for her. Her inner self continued insulting her strength. But she knew soon, the voices will die. Along with her.  
Deep red splattered Hitomi's uniform like a sick design.  
More and more, she lost blood until she felt colder than before.  
[Alone... and cold.]  
At that moment, she had died.  
At least her heart and soul did.  
Now she just had to wait for her vessel to die with them.  
Her vision started to blur, until it completely turned black.  
Her last thoughts were those that would not bring her to a very beautiful place.  
[I am a coward.]  
  
  
a/n: cliffhanger! Did Hitomi die? well i guess all of you know that she didn't. But what exactly happens is still a mystery right? anyway, the chapter's short i know. I'm just not used to writing long chapters but i'll try to write more next time. Please review! Tell me who you want Hitomi to end up with! That will determine how the next chapters will go. '_' 


	3. Meditation

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Title: Into the Abyss  
Summary: Hitomi comes back home to Earth a little too late. The present reality of her home shocks her and causes her to escape from reality, finding something not so good to preoccupy her. Will anyone be able to help her from her depression? Moreover, is the reality that she sees actually REAL?  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne. So no suing please! No infringement intended! Just borrowing the lovely characters of Escaflowne. This story, however, is mine. Oh and the short sayings. :) As for the songs, they are owned by their respective singers.  
Etcetera: Sorry for the long wait. College is getting to me! oh and ^_^ THANK YOU so much for those who reviewed! The reviews inspired me greatly! please keep them coming.  
Important Note: THINGS INSIDE [ ] are THOUGHTS.  
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CHAPTER 2:   
I keep telling you I'm here  
But you're just not listening  
You're living in your own world  
Where truth ceases to exist  
- by SabrinaYutsuki (the author of this fic)  
  
Narrator's POV:  
  
Darkness. There was nothing else her eyes saw.  
  
Adjustng to lack of sight, Hitomi decided to rely on her other senses.  
  
Her hands tried desperately to grasp onto something. Somehow, the dim room was causing her to feel dizzy, especially because of the defeaning sound that was penetrating her ears. It sounded much like the whistle of a boiling kettle, only it magnified tenfold, so that it surrounded the whole area.  
Finding nothing to touch, she felt nervous. How could everything she hears be bounced back in such loud, resounding echoes if there were no walls confined to the place? She tried desperately to feel her way through, like a blind person relying on her walking stick.  
  
Then, a sudden pang hit her. It felt like a malignant headache. The abruptness of the pain was too much for her legs to support her body. She fell. Expectedly, to the ground.  
But there was no ground.  
Her system was on a continuous freefall.  
  
She tried to scream.  
Nothing.  
Her speech had been taken away from her, too.  
Now what?  
  
Then it hit her.  
Why was she there anyway? Her mind ached from trying to recall but to no avail.  
  
Hitomi looked at the brighter side of things. The deafening sound had at least dissipated. Now she could hear a soft sing-song voice that she didn't mind hearing at all.  
  
Suddenly...  
  
[Coward.]  
It had popped out of nowhere.  
Coward? It all felt so vaguely familiar.  
Then, like the rush of the ocean waves to the shore, everything came back.  
  
[I did a cowardly thing.]  
A tear fell down from her eye.  
Surprisingly, the sound of it dropping felt near. It meant only one thing: she was going to meet hard ground again. She made a magnanimous effort of standing up so she could land with less impact. Soon, comfort embraced her heart. It wasn't hard ground, but it was something to step on, none the less. That assured her enough. She walked around, every step of the way causing the ground to sink.   
  
Was she in heaven, walking on clouds? Couldn't be. Suicide is considered a mortal sin, after all, as she recalled her religion teacher drone about it for one whole hour. Hell maybe? Impossible. It wasn't terrifying enough and there was no hot lava boiling just underneath her. Then she remembered. Purgatory. That's it. She recalled her professor saying that purgatory was in between heaven and hell. At the moment, that's how it felt like. She felt a certain sense of terror coupled with peacefulness. What a paradox...  
  
The emerald-eyed girl could not think it all through as the sing-song voice progressed from a very soft lullaby to a theatrical performance. Nevertheless, it gave her a warm feeling. She paused to hear more clearly and realized that it, she, or he was saying something to the melody of the chant. It wasn't loud enough for the human ear to fathom but because her vision was impaired, her ears were more attuned to the environment, much like a blind bat's ability to know where it is going by simply listening.  
  
"Hitomi... It wasn't like you to do such a thing..."  
A woman's voice.  
[I know...] Tears filled her green eyes again.  
  
"Hitomi, sometimes what you see is just a tiny part of a reality that you constructed out of fear or anxiety."  
[Even if it all seems so real?]  
"Yes. Even so." It was odd. The two females were carrying a conversation in Hitomi's mind, almost as if her thoughts materialized into speech.  
"And even if it be true, you still have some unfinished business, right?"  
[...]  
"Hitomi, there is _always_ something worth living for."  
[...], Hitomi remained speechless, as if she was under a spell.  
"Remember, Hitomi. The only thing reliable in this world for you is your heart... and your intuition."  
"I must go now. My time's up... Hitomi, I..."  
A loud swoosh, as in the case of a spirit hovering away, was heard and the warmth was gone.  
  
[That voice.]  
[Like an angel.]  
[No. Even more beautiful.]  
Hitomi cried some more. Tears of sadness, joy, anguish mixed ironically as it fell.  
  
The gods were cruel. If Hitomi only had her vision, she would have seen a pair of emerald eyes so full of life... so full of love, gazing at her intently. And if they had granted the voice a few more moments to stay, Hitomi would have heard all that she will ever need to live through.   
  
"Hitomi, I love you my little darling. Please be strong."  
  
But such was life.  
And the pain and confusion took over once more.  
  
Hitomi's brows were furrowed in deep contemplation. She wanted to recall every word the angel had said, with its exact intonation.  
[There is _always_ something worth living for."]  
She kept all her memories hidden deep inside. She understood its full meaning but could not put it upon herself to believe in it. At the moment, the only suitable place for the words of wisdom to reside was somewhere that still had a small amount of warmth, despite the frigid cold surrounding it... her heart. She clenched her fists as she felt a wave of light pass strongly towards her skin.  
  
********  
  
"Doctor Yasutoko! Come quickly...!"  
A tall, handsome man with black hair rushed towards the source of the voice.  
"Doctor, her heart. It's beating again!"  
The beep of the heart monitor filled the room with an ounce of relief. The tense atmosphere had been so thick that it could have suffocated their throats any minute. But the relief cut through this like a hot knife on butter. Doctor Eito Yasutoko breathed a little easier but realized, that through his four years of experiencing almost every known accident and situation in a medical institution, he knew fully well it wasn't time to celebrate and call it a good day's work.   
However, this was, in fact, an extraordinary case. The sound of the flatline had dominated the room for ten whole minutes already. She was clinically dead, with the emphasis on _was_. It was something unexplainable, especially for a man who had only knowledge on science, and nothing of what truly governs life. Dr. Yasutoko knew fully well that science and medicine couldn't be given credit for this one. After examining the teenager in scrutiny, he muttered that "she was fine" and opted to leave the room.  
  
A woman well around her forties sat beside Hitomi. Her face had been like a kaleidoscope of emotions, showing wrinkles that were sure sings of deep worry when Hitomi's heart had suddenly died, then displaying laugh lines of utter joy as her heart started to beat once more.  
Now, the woman's visage had turned stoic as she looked at the patient as though she was silently praying for her complete recovery. Surely enough, her prayers were answered as the patient's eyes fluttered open, meeting the wide smile of the older female.  
It was evident in Hitomi's face that she knew the person looking back at her.  
"Mrs. Uchida, I..."  
"Don't talk, dear, just rest. I'll go grab you a cup of coffee downstairs at the canteen, okay?", Yukari's mother had a sweet voice, almost like her mother's. Almost...  
As soon as the door was closed again, Hitomi took a deep breath.   
  
She was alive.  
It was a dream.   
The angel was but a figment of her imagination...  
Should she be grateful for her life back? Somehow, she wasn't. She longed for the angel's lulling voice... for eternal sleep. But the gods never did do things for people. They did things for themselves. They weren't any different from the gods who watched the games in the Coliseum in Ancient Rome, laughing heartily while a lion launches an attack against its human opponent. They longed for entertainment.  
Granting Hitomi her wish would be rather dull. So the gods wouldn't do so. Conflicts never arise when needs are met. And action doesn't happen without conflicts.  
Hitomi cursed silently. She knew from her previous encounter in Gaea that everything happened for a reason. _Fate_. She hated that word especially since it did not favor her at the moment. Surviving her suicide meant that she had a reason to be in the world and she didn't want to know that.  
"Screw this world."  
  
After useless curses, she decided to get up. It was hard and demanded a lot of her energy. As she finally made a sitting position, she had already used up all the vigor she had grabbed from her sleep. Cold sweat matted her chestnut brown hair. With a sigh, Hitomi lay in her bed once more, making sure she made little or no movement.  
[I wonder if she knows what I did...], she thought, her mind being the only thing moving at that time. To her, what she did that night was embarrassing and VERY pathetic. If Mrs. Uchida knew, Hitomi was sure she'd be pitied. And she didn't want or need that. It would make her feel weaker than ever and strength was the only thing accompanying Hitomi at the time. Then, she slightly laughed. [What strength? The strength that made me try to kill myself with a pathetic pocket knife?]  
The girl with the boy-cut hair looked around her room, barely moving her neck. Her green irises met white as she saw the walls. [A typical hospital room], she thought. Aside from the dull white of the room that had occassional gray spots from dust and red brown bleeds from the rusty water of the air condition unit, the walls were pretty bare. Large windows on her right provided warm light to the room and shadows of different patterns were cast onto the carpeted floor due to the semi-translucent texture of the curtains that embraced some portions of the casement.  
Tilting her head a little to the opposite direction, she saw a lime green end table with a vase of fresh peach roses. Just then, a soft creak was heard in the direction of the door. The woman from before had returned with a small steaming, styrofoam cup. "Here, Hitomi-chan." Hitomi took her gaze away from the flowers and grabbed the cup. She took a small sip and let the steam tickle her face. The hot liquid felt good as it travelled down her throat. She was in deep meditation, taking small sips at a fixed pace, thinking things through. Mrs. Uchida must have noticed that because she had taken a seat beside her bed and waited patiently without speaking.  
[I should never do that again. Running away is just plain cowardice. I should always face my problems.] She remembered someone dear to her say that one day back in her younger years. Her mind strolled down to the past, where a younger Hitomi, with eyes wide as saucers and cheeks red as pomegranates, was crying on an adult's skirt. The adult's smile was glowing with love as she smoothed the child's hair and whispered words to her.  
[Mother...]  
Hitomi suddenly realized that she had survived for reconciliation. One way or another, she knew she would regret not settling things with her before she passed away. [Maybe the gods aren't that awful after all], Hitomi grinned, but only half-heartedly, for she had had many bouts with reality and if she had learned only one thing from it, it was that wishes could not all be granted, even with a tremendous amount of enthusiasm.  
Her meditation ended at the same time the coffee cup was empty. At this time, Yukari's mother felt it was her cue to speak. She took the cup from Hitomi, threw it into the small trash bin and opened her mouth. "Hitomi, are you feeling better?" "Y..yes. I think so..."  
"Good."  
"Mrs. Uchida, thank you."  
"There's no need to thank me. You are, after all, like a child to me."   
Hitomi gave a brief smile. It bordered on the bitter side, as she remembered her mother once again.  
  
The younger female rested on her bed again and resumed looking at the peach flowers. "Oh, you like those Hitomi? I bought them at the flower shop near here. Smell them, they're very fragrant." Hitomi reached for the flowers, stretching her arm. She looked at her pale skin and saw the gauze wrapping her recent wound.  
  
It was an instant reaction.  
  
Upon eye contact of the bandage, bits of memory flashed in front of her. The rain, the dull emerald eyes of her mother, the dying visage of her father, the knife, her wrist. The images appeared like an unending cycle, each scene followed by a blidning white light that resembled the flash of a camera. It started at a fairly moderate speed until it became extremely fast for Hitomi to handle. Pain shot up her head. Suddenly, all the images came crashing together and new scenes flashed before her.  
There was blood. There was a scream of terror... and they all pointed to someone in particular.  
Hysteria filled Hitomi.  
  
Mrs. Uchida saw the glass eyes of Hitomi. She had been frozen in one position for some time now, her arm still extending to the roses. She shook Hitomi up, panic written clearly over her features.  
"Hitomi! Hitomi! Oh God... Dr. Yasutoko!"  
She shook her again, now more vigorously.  
  
Like someone who woke up suddenly from a nightmare, Hitomi bolted upright.  
"Mother! No!", the girl yelled with utmost concern.  
She left the bed. Mrs. Uchida tried her best to restrain her telling her that she's too weak to walk, but the emerald-eyed girl shoved her aside. Despite the vertigo, Hitomi treaded on, one hand massaging her throbbing temples. The other tried to support her whole body, holding onto walls. She motivated herself to go on. [I must help mother... I must...]  
  
But it was too much for her to handle.   
"Mo..."   
Everything spun out of control.  
"ther..."  
Till all she could see was darkness.  
  
  
if shame had a face i think it would kind of look like mine  
if it had a home would it be my eyes would you believe me  
if i said i am tired of this now here we go one more time  
i tried to climb your steps i tried to chase you down  
i tried to see how low i could get down to the ground  
i tried to earn my way i tried to change this mind  
you better believe i tried to beat this  
when will this end it goes on and on and over and over and over again  
keep spinning around i know it won't stop till i step down from this for good  
i never thought i'd end up here i never thought i'd be standing   
where i am i guess i kind of thought it would be easier than this  
i guess i was wrong now one more   
time this is a sick cycle carousel this is a sick cycle,   
  
~ "Sick Cycle Carousel" by Lifehouse  
  
__________________________________________________________________________________________  
a/n: hmmm... do you know who the voice was? For those who don't, you'll know in the later chapters when Hitomi, herself, deciphers the mystery. But I guess you probably guessed right? :) By the way, I finally realized who I'm going to pair her up with! But i'm not telling, hehe. '_' and Yukari's last name is Uchida, right? If it isn't, please do tell me her last name through the reviews. And for all you fellow Xtreme Games fans, I guess you know who Eito Yasutoko is. He's so cool! (and his little brother is, too!) anywayz, keep the reviews coming. c ya next chapter.  
  
visit Silverchair's site: www.chairpage.com (forgot to put this in the previous chapter ^^)  
visit Lifehouse's site: www.lifehousemusic.com  
visit Extreme Games site: www.expn.com  
__________________________________________________________________________________________ 


	4. Trust

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Title: Into the Abyss  
  
Summary: Hitomi comes back home to Earth a little too late....   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne. So no suing please! No infringement intended! Just borrowing the lovely characters of Escaflowne. This story, however, is mine. Oh and the short sayings. :) As for the songs, they are owned by their respective singers.  
  
Etcetera: Thank you SO MUCH for the reviews!!!   
  
* soda_cola_pop: I'm glad you're computer's alive again! Don't see you in school as much. What's your sched nywayz? And i'm so glad you gave me such long and helpful reviews!!!! THANKS!!!!  
  
* Saotoshi Hatsuma: thanks so much for reviewing all my chapters. I'm glad you like it! :) And yes, van will come but later on :) maybe in the 5th chapter :)  
  
* Ni-chan: wow that was such an inspiring adjective to give to my story! thanks!  
  
* RB, MoonGrlonearth, FireDemon, Fitz20, and everyone else who reviewed: thanks! I'm glad you liked it!  
  
* Kiya: don't worry it won't have a sad ending. that's for sure :)  
  
Important Note: THINGS INSIDE [ ] are THOUGHTS.  
  
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CHAPTER 3: -REVISED-  
  
You were once sweet  
  
But now that's gone.  
  
You had a warm aura  
  
But Shiva had won.  
  
And it makes me shiver  
  
The way you smile  
  
Because I know deep down  
  
You're plotting something vile.  
  
- by SabrinaYutsuki (the author of this fic)  
  
Narrator's POV:  
  
Mrs. Uchida recovered from the forceful shove of Hitomi and stood up. Her back felt sore because her bones had turned brittle over the years... Such was, after all, the reality of old age. She was completely surprised at the strength Yukari's best friend had been able to put into considering her health. But right now, the surprise had been replaced by an overwhelming feeling of doom.  
  
[Where's Hitomi-chan?]  
  
She turned around to look for the sandy-browned locks.   
  
And she saw them.  
  
They were sprawled onto the floor... with what appeared to be red liquid...  
  
[Oh god...]  
  
"Dr. Yasutoko!!! Dr. Yasutoko! Where in god's name is he? And what does it take to get some help here, DAMMIT!" The calm exterior of the woman had broken down apparently by the wave of panic. It was natural for anyone to act that way, after all, considering there was blood on the floor.  
  
In what seemed like eternity, the handsome man in the white uniform appeared. Mrs. Uchida was extremely tempted to give him a piece of her mind but acted otherwise, since there was something else of higher priority at the moment. The man immediately saw the patient on the floor. He ran to her side and checked her pulse. After which, he examined the patient's head to see if there was any concussion, all the while keeping a stern face. Finally, he saw the root of the problem. He saw the broken vase a few inches away from her and saw the emerald-eyed girl's deep cut on her forehead.  
  
The puzzle had been pieced.  
  
"Mrs. Uchida, she had a cut on her forehead from the broken shards of this vase. It's pretty deep and considering she had lost a tremendous amount of blood already from her previous bout, she must have collapsed from the lack of blood. Rest assured, though, that she's fine. Her breathing's shallow, but it's none the less steadying. Nothing to worry about. I'll go get a nurse to treat her wounds immediately."  
  
The doctor was true to his word. In a matter of seconds, he came back with a woman in white that was obviously a nurse in the institution. She brought some gauze and a bottle of liquid that Mrs. Uchida guessed as an antiseptic. Behind the nurse were two other doctors who carried Hitomi to the bed.  
  
The nurse got some cotton and dipped it in the liquid and placed it on Hitomi's wound gently so as to lessen the pain, but forcefully enough for her to clean the cut. Then she took some gauze and placed it over, applying gauze tape on both sides. She had also brought a smaller bottle of another unfamiliar liquid. It had a label on it, but the words were printed too small for Mrs. Uchida to see.  
  
Sensing Mrs. Uchida's curiosity, the nurse spoke. "This will help her regain consciousness..." The older woman nodded, a gesture to say that she had understood. Soon enough, Hitomi's eyes dilated abruptly just like before and she immediately tried to get out of the bed again. "Mother! I must help mother!" Her energy was still unbelievably plenty. The nurse restrained her as she called for assistance. The same doctors who had carried Hitomi to the bed came to the 'rescue'.  
  
However, unlike before, Hitomi failed to withstand several people pushing her down and decided to admit defeat. She stared openly into the ceiling and away from the nurses' determined faces. With a hard 'click', the nurses sighed in relief and left the room, nodding at the old woman just inches away from the door, an unreadable expression written on her wrinkled face.   
  
She looked at her arms and saw the restraint they placed on it.   
  
She felt so tired... Tired of all this -- all the suffering, all the self-pity... everything. Tears started to well up in her eyes. But she bit her lip and managed to blink them out. Mrs. Uchida moved closer to her. "Hitomi, what's happening to you?"  
  
Hitomi's eyes shook. [Everything's happening to me. At least everything awful.] She had wanted to tell her everything... Vent out all her emotions so she could take away the burdens... But a part of her kept nagging her... Telling her that it just reaffirms her cowardice.   
  
[I'm not a coward.]  
  
"Mrs. Uchida. Please believe in me. I really need to leave the hospital now and help my mother... Please. I can't explain but my instincts tell me something's wrong with..." At this time, her voice croaked. She was choking in emotions. The older woman placed a comforting hand on one of Hitomi's cold arms and smiled as if to say she understood. Hitomi let out a faint smile as Mrs. Uchida called for the doctor.  
  
"Dr. Yasutoko, please release her. I think it's best that I bring her home and take care of her there."   
  
"But Ma'm, I do believe she needs to stay here and..."  
  
"Since it is in your best interest to help her recover, don't you think sending her home, where she's not as apprehensive, will do her good?"  
  
The doctor swallowed hard. She was right.   
  
"Okay then. I trust that you will make her get as much rest as she can."  
  
"Of course I will. She is my daughter after all."  
  
There was a brief moment of warmth when Hitomi heard those words, imagining her own mother telling her that. After the restraints were released, Hitomi quickly got out of the bed, while Mrs. Uchida held her for support. They walked slowly to the elevator and Hitomi's heart was once again filled with anxiety.  
  
----------------------  
  
The four corners of the elevator were very close in proximity. Even if she had no past bouts with Claustrophobia, she felt like she was running out of breath, and that the walls were closing in. The pressure that came when the elevator abruptly went down caused the pain in her head to shoot up. She reached for the pain immediately and felt the wet blood. She was moving her fingers in a very small circle around the wound. The throbbing ache felt unbelievable, for her.  
  
Unbelievably pleasurable.  
  
It was as if without the sensation of pain, she ceased to exist. It was a reminder that she was in this world, right this moment, and that she had things to do... important matters to attend to. Her memory jogged back to the time her mother had slapped her and she had felt that same trace of satisfaction.  
  
What was happening to her?  
  
When did everything change?  
  
She remembered that just a few days ago, she was gazing upon the warm smile of someone dear to her... she remembered the peaceful tittering of the birds in the forest and the lovely trees that cast a calm shadow on the Escaflowne. Everything was fine. No. More than fine.  
  
Everything was perfect.  
  
Even as she was slowly floating away from the paradise they call Gaea, she had the assurance that things will be okay. That she would live the memories of the other world in her heart and feel a special kind of warmth. And that she would live in the Mystic Moon with those special thoughts, sharing the magic to her family. Showing them how you could shape your dreams into destiny.  
  
How could she be so impeccably wrong?  
  
Unlike Gaea, here on Earth, everything had been mapped out for you by someone. There was no way to beat the system. Hitomi was meant to have a screwed up life, and that's that. No questions asked. No considerations. Why fight it then? She tried to kill herself to show that she wasn't going to sit around waiting for Lady Fate to give her orders. But Lady Fate was cunning... astute. The goddess has, after all, been running the 'business' for centuries, no doubt. She must know every loophole. And that must be why her suicide failed.  
  
But if it were true, what then did Lady Fate have in store for her mother? Death? She wished not. And why did she have a premonition? Did Fate want her to stand up against destiny, like she did in Gaea? Was this her destiny? To save her mother? Was this the reason why her suicide failed?  
  
The thoughts were driving her mad. Too many questions and no answers. Luckily though, the elevator door had opened and her contemplation was put to a stop. Mrs. Uchida, who was staring at the numbers as the elevator slowly descended, grabbed Hitomi's arm and lead her outside.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The older woman hailed a taxi cab immediately. Hitomi was surprised to see her with the same feeling of urgency in her. She was grateful that Yukari's mother had believed her.  
  
The cab came just when Mrs. Uchida's arms were starting to get tired. Opening the door, Hitomi went in the cab while Mrs. Uchida followed suite. Throughout the whole trip, the two women were quiet. Nothing but the driver's curses could be heard.  
  
Soon enough, they arrived in a street full of cozy houses.   
  
"That would be 30 dollars ma'm.", a husky voice came with his grubby hand stretched out.  
  
The older woman dished out some bills and gave it to the man, while Hitomi stared out the window. "Hitomi-chan? Let's go.", Mrs. Uchida said with her sweet voice. Hitomi said nothing and merely opened the car door.  
  
"Hitomi...? Do you need me to come in with you or...?"  
  
"It's okay Mrs. Uchida. I can handle it."  
  
"Okay. Well, I'll just be a few blocks away, okay?"  
  
Hitomi nodded.  
  
As the figure of the older woman slowly disappeared, Hitomi suddenly called her.   
  
"Oh and Uchida-san!"  
  
"Yes, dear?"  
  
"Th... Thank you... You don't know how much it means to me... to be believed in, I mean."  
  
The woman smiled.  
  
"Dear, I want you to know that I will _always_ believe in you. Okay?"  
  
Hitomi smiled. "Thank you."  
  
And with that, the woman left.  
  
What ensued was utmost silence... a silence where one could hear a proverbial pin drop and a certain heart thump madly...  
  
Hitomi's hands shivered as she opened the mahogany door knob, her confidence faltering once more...   
  
And something told her that wasn't going to be the last time it would happen...  
  
I am bottled, fizzy water and you are shaking me up  
  
You are a fingernail running down the chalkboard I thought I left in third grade  
  
Now my only consolation is that this could not last forever  
  
Even though you're singing and thinking how well you've got it made  
  
Who are you? When will you be through?  
  
Yea it's just a phase...it will be over soon  
  
Yea it's just a phase...yea it's just a....phase  
  
~ "Just a Phase" by Incubus  
  
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a/n: How do you like the story so far? Sorry to leave you hanging once more. wahaha. Anyways, I revised this chapter 'cause when I read the older chapter again, I realized how weird it was. I hope you like the revision more.  
  
So, you have any guesses what she's going to see when she opens that door knob? Well you'll find out as soon as I update. Please review kind souls! :)  
  
visit Incubus' site: www.enjoyincubus.com  
  
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	5. Fallen

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
VERY IMPORTANT!: I revised Chapter 3 (the Chapter before this), so for those who read my story before it was revised, please do check out the newer version. It has been drastically modified and I do think it's much better (and definitely, less weirder!)  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Title: Into the Abyss  
  
Summary: Hitomi comes back home to Earth a little too late....   
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne. So no suing please! No infringement intended! Just borrowing the lovely characters of Escaflowne. This story, however, is mine. Oh and the short sayings. :) As for the songs, they are owned by their respective singers.  
  
Etcetera: Thank you SO MUCH for the reviews!!!   
  
Important Note: THINGS INSIDE [ ] are THOUGHTS.  
  
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
CHAPTER 4:  
  
And i cringed at the moment  
  
as my dreams came  
  
crumbling down...  
  
by SabrinaYutsuki (author of this fic)  
  
Hitomi's POV:  
  
Now or never...  
  
Now or never.  
  
People say that all the time but do they really know what they're talking about?  
  
What if 'never' was better than ceasing the moment? What if there was a great deal of pain involved in 'now'?   
  
Why can't I just run away from reality and live in peace?  
  
Now or never.  
  
If I don't do it immediately, I'd live my life in curiosity... and deep regret.....  
  
...  
  
...  
  
The time is now.  
  
Narrator's POV:  
  
Watching Hitomi Kanzaki was like watching a kaleidoscope. Her facial expressions changed so often that it created almost an intricate pattern. One minute, she was trembling, her hands clasped on the door knob; the next, biting her dry lips in determination. And as she moved from frustration to anxiety to hopefulness to despair, the sands of time flew by.  
  
Until finally, the cycle of emotions ended. Ended in determination.  
  
[Now or never...]  
  
Hitomi's sweaty palm finally clasped the glass door knob... so tight that the knob's intricate design was etched on to the girl's peach skin. She knocked on the door quietly. No answer. She decided to use more force. Still no answer. Ringing on the door bell didn't help the situation either.  
  
As if by instinct, Hitomi decided to twist the door knob. The clicking sound was foreboding.   
  
[Why's the door unlocked? Okasan always made sure that didn't happen...]  
  
Hitomi went in slowly, as if she were entering an unfamiliar home.  
  
In a way, it was.  
  
The clean home that she used to go home to everyday now mirrored a drunken bum's house. Pizza boxes lined the carpet and the flies hovering around gave Hitomi the idea that they were the same boxes she saw the day she came back home from Gaea.  
  
Hitomi wrinkled her nose in disgust. She smelled something putrid.  
  
Like rotten meat.  
  
More like...  
  
[Oh God...]  
  
Her thoughts ceased abruptly as her instincts caused her guts to twist and churn. She ran as fast as she could to the peach door just beside the kitchen, where a sink laid. Beside it was a toilet bowl, which also had its own unique stench to it... Finding it unable to bear the pain and the discomfort, her eyes and mouth going watery, she threw up - and since she hadn't eaten much for the past days, she vommited her bitter fluids and all her bile, her eyes squinting in pain. She patted herself on the back rigorously massaging it, while her guts continued to crawl up her throat.   
  
When she had finally stopped, she limped toward the nearest chair, her strength drained of her. Unable to endure the repugnant taste that lingered, she walked slowly to the kitchen, opened the wooden cupboard above the sink, and grabbed a glass, which like everything else in the house, was dirty. She rinsed it a little under the faucet and filled it up after, gurgling off the taste first, then drinking it. She washed her face, which was sweating profusely from the excruciating experience.  
  
Just when she thought she was okay, her senses returned to her, and the smell reached her insides again. This time, however, Hitomi forced her mind to think of more pleasant things, no matter how hard it was for her at the moment. She focused on her goal, and climbed the stairs.  
  
As she slowly climbed up the stairs, and as her ominous footsteps echoed throughout the house, she heard her heart pound again, so hard like it were threatening to escape her chest. Her stomach was still quite weak from hunger and from the disgust that still lingered in the house. All her feelings were at a high at the moment, but she let her feelings sustain her determination.  
  
She absentmindedly walked to the room to the left, not realizing the obstacle in front of her. She stepped on it and heard a menacing 'crunch'.  
  
And there it was. In front of her.  
  
The reason to her 'visit'. Her fear.  
  
In front of her laid a petrified carcass of a familiar looking woman.  
  
A woman who had meant everything to Hitomi...   
  
Like every daughter's thoughts toward their mother.  
  
At this moment, the girl's emerald eyes could only stare at what lay before her. No thoughts could enter her mind and all her emotions were so numb that she felt like she was floating in mid-air. She was in the worst case of denial. Other people would have shouted screamed, or bawled, but she was so tired of all that.  
  
So tired of life. And death. And fate. So tired of everything. She sat beside the remains. And stared off into oblivion. She sat. Time passed. Day was whisked away by night. She still sat.  
  
Until finally, she stood up, her legs now unfeeling. She took a last look at her mother, now like a dried up fossil. She gently laid her hands on it, when suddenly, her visions sprung to life.  
  
Fried. Duke. Chid. Why was she seeing all this?  
  
Until, she saw what her visions wanted to show her.  
  
Zongi.  
  
She had seen something like this before. In Fried. With a particular monk there, who was possessed by Zongi. Possessed by a doppleganger. Of Zaibach.  
  
[Could it mean that...?]  
  
A blue light suddenly exploded inside the house as it agressively engulfed Hitomi. And she found herself soaring up into the sky. Into the mysterious world called Gaea. The world she had just left... had wanted to go back to, and then had wanted to never see again.   
  
Now, however, her opinion on that faraway place had changed. She _needed_ to go there. And she closed her eyes in silent prayer, as a tear threatened to travel down her cheek.  
  
[Okasan, gomen ne. I'll get to the bottom of this. I promise.]  
  
I'm so tired of being here  
  
Supressed by all my childish fears  
  
If you have to leave  
  
I wish that you would just leave  
  
Cause your presence still lingers here  
  
And it won't leave me alone  
  
These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time can not erase  
  
~ "My Immortal" by Evanescence  
  
===========================================================================================Okay this chapter is really short. That's because I wanted to end with a dramatic cliffhanger. Besides, the next chapter would be in Gaea already. Please do tell me what you think of it... Oh and check out my other Esca fic "Unexpected". It's a more happy fic (and it's a highschool AU fic), especially compared to this. =)  
  
Visit Evanescence's site: www.evanescence.com (Their songs are really cool and "My Immortal" is one of my faves! '_')  
  
Annoying reminder: Have you read this story's revised chapter 3? You should! :)  
  
=========================================================================================== 


	6. Mirror

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Title: Into the Abyss  
  
Summary: Hitomi comes back home to Earth a little too late...  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Escaflowne. So no suing please! No infringement intended! Just borrowing the lovely characters of Escaflowne. This story, however, is mine. Oh and the short sayings. :) As for the songs, they are owned by their respective singers.  
  
Etcetera: Thank you SO MUCH for the reviews!!!   
  
Important Note: THINGS INSIDE [ ] are THOUGHTS.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
CHAPTER 5:   
  
Darkness calls,  
  
And I come.  
  
  
  
Never mind that  
  
He once held my death.  
  
He is my refuge now.   
  
- by SabrinaYutsuki(author of this fic)  
  
Hitomi felt the hot, blue light penetrating her skin. It was an unusual sensation - painful yet comforting, like visions of a mother embracing an infant close to her heart as she gave her last breath on earth. The last time she had gone to Gaea, she recalled a gentler and cooler light taking her away.  
  
She dismissed her ramblings and shut her eyes. Soon, the searing sensation was gone, and all that was left was a dull numbness in Hitomi's pale skin. She felt the ground beneath her, hard and cold and willed her eyes to open.  
  
Green irises absorbed the atmosphere of Gaea.  
  
She was finally back.  
  
But was she really?  
  
She looked around her and saw only the cold, dull grey ground beneath her feet, and the ominous dark clouds hanging above her. The bustling city of Asturia was nowhere in sight, nor were the lush forests of Fanelia anywhere near. The ground was not honored by the temples of Freid, and even the cold industrial city of Zaibach could have given her more hope than what she was seeing at the moment -- Nothing.  
  
It was all black, grey, and dirty white and cold cemented ground with a lonely frail tree in between, years past its prime, leaves long gone and branches hanging loosely, as though they were anticipating their descent. And she, like a chameleon, blended into the background, her clothes dull, her face ashen with grief, skin pallid, her emerald irises the only color this world seemed to have...  
  
Fear pounded against Hitomi's chest. If she was not in Gaea or Earth, where was she?  
  
And more importantly --  
  
Was anybody else there at all?  
  
Her question was soon answered by a light nudge at her shoulders. A man had brushed past her gently, with his head bowed down in sullenness. One by one, dark figures appeared around her vicinity, first translucent then slowly, opaque.  
  
And the familiarity of it all struck her hard.  
  
She had been here before. To look for Van...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was the land of the unrest - a place where neither the dead nor the living roamed. Where souls who refused to leave the earth and gain eternal sleep roamed around, listlessly trying to remember why they were there... but to no avail. It was a place... where she belonged?  
  
Hitomi shook her head and massaged her temples. Why was she here? Had she died? Her mind was bombarded with a flurry of thoughts and the emerald-eyed girl tried desperately to recall why she was here, and what she was supposed to do.  
  
Suddenly, an image of a burnt carcass flickered in her consciousness.  
  
That's right. She was supposed to go to Gaea to find answers for her mother's brutal death. Why had the light brought her here instead of Gaea? What was fate trying to do now? The questions were many, and the answers were nowhere to be found, probably floating in a void where she can not find them.  
  
Tears started to well in her eyes again. The string of misfortunes had done nothing to harden her heart. In reality, she was still a vulnerable girl in a big, painful world. She knelt down and felt her whole body shake as the tears now fell once again.   
  
She had caused her parents' death and was not being given the chance to atone for it. And she will probably be stuck in this limbo for the rest of her life. Throughout the grave-like land, Hitomi's sobs echoed through the space. And while her lamentation dragged on, and her eyes grew red and swollen, the wind howled as though it was crying with her, probably because it, too, wished to travel through greener pastures and colorful skies.  
  
Unexpectedly, the monotonic weeping was punctured by a sharp cackle.  
  
A cackle rich with malice...  
  
Her blubbering stopped and she turned around wide-eyed, green orbs meeting with red.  
  
[It can't be...]  
  
In front of her was a man with messy silver hair, slightly longer than before, and eyes red as blood, as though they have absorbed all the bloodshed the man's pale hands had inflicted in the past.  
  
"So bitch, we meet again."  
  
"Di... Dilandau..."  
  
Pale hands grabbed Hitomi's equally pale neck as he forced Hitomi to stand up from her position, while squeezing the little life Hitomi had left in her. Her face was now growing sallower from the lack of oxygen, her knees growing weak.  
  
Despite the fatigue and the cramps that had a hold on her body, she slowly grabbed Dilandau's thin arms and tried to pry them off her. But it could not be done. He was being controlled by a long hunger... A hunger to kill. And it was making him stronger than he usually was.  
  
She muttered a deep apology to her parents once again... And to her brother who will suddenly realize he has become an orphan, and closed her eyes in peaceful release.  
  
It was then when Dilandau's senses came to him. He was no longer seeing the bitch from the Mystic Moon - the self-assured fighter... He was seeing a broken child... A child who was alone.  
  
Alone...  
  
Alone...  
  
Alone...  
  
Like he was...  
  
Like he still is.  
  
Voices started to call him and he abruptly let go of his hold on Hitomi as he placed his hands on his head, scraping his scalp in pain. His face first of desperation.  
  
"I'm alone... So alone..."  
  
Then of anger.  
  
"NO DAMN IT NO!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!"  
  
The emerald-eyed girl's first instinct was to run away.  
  
But running away suddenly seemed like the worst thing to do.  
  
She slowly approached him.  
  
He needed help. And who better to help him than someone just like him?  
  
The red-eyed albino looked so vulnerable in his current state, like he was a lost child...  
  
No. Worse than that.   
  
He was a lost man with no future to hold on to.  
  
He was broken.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The emerald-eyed girl, with her pale, scarred arm, slowly reached out to his silver threads, shivering in fear, as though she was going to touch a ravenous beast. He might have seemed defenseless at the moment, but she knew him better. After all, she had been a witness to the insanity he was inclined to -- all those times he had almost killed himself just so he could suck out the life of Van and her... the bitch from the Mystic moon...  
  
A bitch. It was such an insult, but the word no longer pierced her pride that much. Her pride had long bowed down to her inner belief that it was true. She was, in fact, a bitch. What else do you call a girl who has forsaken her family?  
  
She set her self-loathing aside for another day. She had thousands of other days to do that, knowing that destiny did not want her to take the easy way out of her misery. Today, she would find out the answers she sought for. And she would finally find some solace, if only a little, in the fact that she had not abandoned those she loved.  
  
How she would do that, she didn't know... But somehow, she knew the answers rested in this man who had found her and had inadvertently given her a glint of hope.  
  
Finally, her cold hands felt his locks... They were unusually soft under her slightly calloused fingers. Seeing that the man made no gesture of disapproval, Hitomi moved her hands to his wobbly shoulders, and gave him a squeeze. The soldier's eyes widened in shock at the contact, feeling an aota of warmth lingering where her hand was. It had been a long time since he had been touched... A time before the bloodlust and the hatred. A time of cool breezes, rustling leaves, and majestic trees.  
  
A time when he was...  
  
His thoughts were held back abruptly like a dam does to a raging river. Pain seared his head and filled him with rage... Rage... Yes. That was all he lived for... Rage and hate and war... He turned around fiercely and grabbed a hold of Hitomi's neck again. This time, however, Hitomi closed her eyes with no intentions of struggling.  
  
Seeing this, Dilandau got even angrier, and releasing his hold, spat out in disgust... "Why are you here bitch? And why didn't you just run away?"  
  
Hitomi took a deep breath. It felt like Dilandau's cold, clammy hands were still squeezing her slender neck. Dismissing the uncomfortable sensation, she spoke calmly and truthfully...  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"You lie, BITCH. Tell me why you're here before I start ripping you in shreds!"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
Was that all she could say? She felt so dumb... So lost for words. But it was the truth. She didn't know. She used to be so sure of herself but her life suddenly experienced a metanoia* and suddenly, everything was so intermittent and unpredictable...  
  
"Bitch! Don't give me that bullshit!"  
  
The harsh words did not cause the girl to flinch anymore. Instead, she answered softly. "Why are you here anyway?"  
  
And the other was suddenly lost for words.  
  
Where was he anyway? Why did the question sound so profound and ridiculous at the same time? As though the answer for it was both obvious and obscure. The bottom line was that he didn't know either.  
  
But his pride did not permit him to admit it.  
  
"I chose to be here."  
  
"You chose to be here? You chose to die...?"  
  
Dilandau choked upon hearing those words and gulped... Chose to die? What the hell was this girl saying? Was it another of her cryptic Mystic Moon mumbo jumbo? Sweat started to form at the back of his silver mane, sending cold shivers down his lean body. He suddenly became very afraid. After all, the girl might have said a lot of rubbish but they were usually accurate rubbish. He was suddenly filled with so many questions... Questions that seemed to have hibernated somewhere deep in the dark recesses of his mind that he had completely forgotten them. And now he wondered how long he had spent in this place and how those questions were so easily forgotten.  
  
It was a painful thought.  
  
But he needed to know why he was here.  
  
And he needed *her* to tell it to him.  
  
[I'll ask her THEN I'll kill her] Dilandau thought and it caused him to inwardly smirk.  
  
"Okay bitch. You win. I don't know a single thing you're talking about. Tell me what you know."  
  
And his red eyes gleamed in anticipation.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"All the bridges in the world  
  
won't save you  
  
If there is no other side   
  
to cross to"  
  
~ world upon your shoulders by Silverchair  
  
===============================================================================================================  
  
*metanoia - a complete change  
  
a/n: visit Silverchair's webpage : www.chairpage.com and buy their new album, Diorama! It rocks! hope you enjoyed the chapter! Reviews are very welcome! :D  
  
ayanami yuy: thanks for the review! :D hehe... ill be pestering you again the next chapter i make...  
  
saotoshi: says dramatically, teary-eyed you love me, you really love me... ahem... but enough of the drama... hehe... thank you so much for the review and for reading this fic as well as unexpected and i hope this chapter was just as great ... :)  
  
niffer: thanks! yeah i know it's pretty sad what hitomi's going through but don't worry... there's a light at the end of every tunnel... :p forgive the cliche line... hehe  
  
honeypot: here it is! sorry it took so long and i hope u enjoy it as much! thanks for the review! :D  
  
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